Thursday, September 13, 2007

The Larry Craig Syndrome

"The other day, I was in a restaurant and excused myself to take care of business. When I entered the restroom, there was Latin music playing. I love Latin music. I actually took conga lessons in Cuba a few years ago. All I wanted to do was tap my foot to the beat.

But I didn't do it. That's precisely what got Sen. Craig into trouble. I used all my willpower to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. As I approached the urinal, I stared straight ahead. I didn't move my head or eyes at all, not an inch. I didn't want to be perceived as trying to catch the eye of anyone, certainly not a cop, or Sen. Craig for that matter.

I kept my feet close together, fearful I might step on someone's toes or accidentally touch his shoe. As for my hands, I didn't check for dust under the stalls, on the sink, under the sink, or anywhere else. I kept them where they belonged.

Truth be told, I was paralyzed with fear - totally focused on what I shouldn't do rather than what I came to do. In fact, when I finally I returned to my table, I realized . . . I'd forgotten to go.

So thanks, Sen. Craig, for my latest neurosis. I hope the next time you go to the restroom and assume the "wide stance" - as you described it to the police - you split your damn pants. *----Phil Goldsmith

I have nothing to add.......

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